ABOUT GRIEF & LOSS
"Where science, psychology and spirituality meet."
1. Denial – Stuck in the past
2. Fear – of future immobilizes
3. Bargaining – with God (beginning to change denial)
4. Anger – early response to loss (if about a death, it is not really about the deceased)
5. Guilt – self-blame, “should have done….”, teaches us to cherish what we have.
6. Shame – may feel deserve the loss at this point, a punishment, healed with others
7. Depression – a place to continue healing, to get away from intense pain.
8. Emptiness – feeling alone, lost, a hole inside (allows future fulfillment)
9. Sadness – tears of our pain flow and healing has begun
10. Acceptance – the felt sense that this is how it really is, light moving forward.
11. Forgiveness – of ourselves, others involved in the loss, even God. – return to love
12. Re-connection – to our life to others, renewed passion in activities can risk again
13. Serenity – peace and joy at knowledge can handle loss and heal our life.
These are not as linear as they appear. A person experiencing grief due to loss can cycle
through a number of these and return to earlier stages until all feelings are processed. Also
Kellogg suggests that it is possible to cycle through various feelings at any one stage
simultaneously (sadness and guilt and anger).
Stages of Grieving
first identified by E. Kubler-Ross and
expanded by Terry Kellog, 1991
first identified by E. Kubler-Ross and
expanded by Terry Kellog, 1991
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In dealing with Grief it is helpful to remember that everyone, EVERYONE has experienced
some loss in their lives and many have experienced grief with those losses. This is not to
compare your feelings to that of others, but rather to help you see that others CAN understand
your feelings and that it is OK to share these with trusted family, friends and significant others.
Grief is not more or less deep with the size of the loss, grief is a human emotion and when
anyone is in it, it really really hurts. There is no recipe or set timeframe for recovering from
grief, however it helps to:
a) realize that what you are feeling is normal when we lose a significant
part of our lives;
b) share what you are going through with trusted friends;
c) keep a journal to help you acknowledge & process your feelings
(especially the angry ones)
d) recall 3 to 5 things for which you are thankful (each day)... this can sometimes
be difficult; try simple things like: being thankful for the sunshine, breathing
clearly, your pet, being able to cry, the smell of shower gel, a warm blanket or
slippers;
e) make the effort to stick with a daily routine (get up, dressed, eat
balanced meals, get out for air, exercise is very beneficial, get to bed at
a decent time, get lots of sleep)
f) consider talking to a counsellor if family and friends are telling you to "get on
with it" or are experiencing grief fatigue;
g) consider joining a grief support group;
h) if your sadness is giving way to depression which is affecting your ability to
function in life (affecting your ability to work, causing physical symptoms like
sleeplessness, pain) see your medical doctor you may benefit from temporary
drug treatment.
some loss in their lives and many have experienced grief with those losses. This is not to
compare your feelings to that of others, but rather to help you see that others CAN understand
your feelings and that it is OK to share these with trusted family, friends and significant others.
Grief is not more or less deep with the size of the loss, grief is a human emotion and when
anyone is in it, it really really hurts. There is no recipe or set timeframe for recovering from
grief, however it helps to:
a) realize that what you are feeling is normal when we lose a significant
part of our lives;
b) share what you are going through with trusted friends;
c) keep a journal to help you acknowledge & process your feelings
(especially the angry ones)
d) recall 3 to 5 things for which you are thankful (each day)... this can sometimes
be difficult; try simple things like: being thankful for the sunshine, breathing
clearly, your pet, being able to cry, the smell of shower gel, a warm blanket or
slippers;
e) make the effort to stick with a daily routine (get up, dressed, eat
balanced meals, get out for air, exercise is very beneficial, get to bed at
a decent time, get lots of sleep)
f) consider talking to a counsellor if family and friends are telling you to "get on
with it" or are experiencing grief fatigue;
g) consider joining a grief support group;
h) if your sadness is giving way to depression which is affecting your ability to
function in life (affecting your ability to work, causing physical symptoms like
sleeplessness, pain) see your medical doctor you may benefit from temporary
drug treatment.
Survival Strategies:
by LPC
by LPC