Problem Solving and Negotiating with Others
"Nothing at all will be
attempted if all possible
objections must first be
overcome. "
Samuel Johnson
attempted if all possible
objections must first be
overcome. "
Samuel Johnson
Basic Principles:
• Communication: Words mean — and imply — different things to different persons. Good
communication skills increases understanding. Use of active listening, reflecting and assertive
statements keep channels open and the discussion on track.
• Assumptions: Beware of assuming the other person already knows what you feel or think. Seek a
free exchange of ideas, including ideas from outside the “closed system” of
the family or deciding partners.
•Structure: A well-defined family decision-making approach aids problem-solving — allowing for full
discussion and consideration of alternatives, and a sense of equitable outcomes for all. Take
problem solving as a task needing dedicated time, attention and that flows in a definite process from
awareness and desire to assessment of options, to negotiation to decision and follow-up.
• Openness: Families do well if they are open to conflicting ideas (as opposed to open conflict).
Many families fear the threat of disagreement instead of the opportunity it provides for growth and
learning for all parties. Airing of disagreements allows each to understand the emotional value
attached to the issues, solutions and impacts. It can motivate creativity and discovery of workable
adjustments.
• Outcomes: Seek the best possible approach instead of any one person’s proposal. The best
outcome often involves collaboration.
• Trust: Without a balance of trust, people suspect each other’s motives and arguments. Trust is the
basis of good-faith bargaining. • Setting criteria: Agree to aim for the “mutually satisfactory” instead of
the “perfect” outcome.
• Communication: Words mean — and imply — different things to different persons. Good
communication skills increases understanding. Use of active listening, reflecting and assertive
statements keep channels open and the discussion on track.
• Assumptions: Beware of assuming the other person already knows what you feel or think. Seek a
free exchange of ideas, including ideas from outside the “closed system” of
the family or deciding partners.
•Structure: A well-defined family decision-making approach aids problem-solving — allowing for full
discussion and consideration of alternatives, and a sense of equitable outcomes for all. Take
problem solving as a task needing dedicated time, attention and that flows in a definite process from
awareness and desire to assessment of options, to negotiation to decision and follow-up.
• Openness: Families do well if they are open to conflicting ideas (as opposed to open conflict).
Many families fear the threat of disagreement instead of the opportunity it provides for growth and
learning for all parties. Airing of disagreements allows each to understand the emotional value
attached to the issues, solutions and impacts. It can motivate creativity and discovery of workable
adjustments.
• Outcomes: Seek the best possible approach instead of any one person’s proposal. The best
outcome often involves collaboration.
• Trust: Without a balance of trust, people suspect each other’s motives and arguments. Trust is the
basis of good-faith bargaining. • Setting criteria: Agree to aim for the “mutually satisfactory” instead of
the “perfect” outcome.
"Where science, psychology and spirituality meet in a way
that makes a difference to your reality."
that makes a difference to your reality."
| Realm of Negotiation |
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| What happens when there is no negotiation or agreement on needs, expectations and boundaries? Worlds collide. |
A photo taken by a participant
in a team building exercise
(no known copyright)
in a team building exercise
(no known copyright)
stock photo of world explosion of the A-bomb
| © Copyright 2008 All rights reserved on site content, design and graphics to M. R. Monteiro , Life Passages Counselling |
